India: My Mirror

Here I am in India. I am not dreaming. It's real. With its sights and smells, this enchanted land rich with history as well as mystery. Where there is a marked difference between opulence and misery. Land of extremes, with mountain tops covered with snow, and steamy beaches all in one. There are mystic and sacred sites, as well as fancy shopping centers. Ultra spicy food, as well as the sweetest of sweets. Palaces with gold trim, and beggars sleeping with dogs in the street. The latest model BMW driving on the same street that a woman and her children call home.

But India is real. With all its shocking problems, India is authentic. It doesn't try to please anyone. Perhaps that is the allure that attracts visitors from all over the world. It's dirty, but it has a soul. Noisy, because it has a lot to say. Complicated, because it has so much to teach us about the human condition.

Some escape to India to run away from their reality. Some come to fill themselves with ancient teachings that have remained alive. Many journey to this land for its rich culture. India doesn't wear a mask, like we do. India lives its authenticity. And what about us?

I find myself here, in Pune, hub of my Guru, BKS Iyengar. Mr. Iyengar, author of the best selling book Light on Yoga, is considered the world's pioneer of modern yoga, as he created numerous innovations in the practice and study of yoga.

This is my second trip here to study with him and his family. This trip means a lot to me, because 16 years ago, when I was last here, I was a different person. Married and with 3 daughters under the age of 6, I was a stay at home mother. Back then, I could have never imagined how my life would unfold.

Divorced, and living alone, something vital changed for me. I have come to a point in my life, where I live for myself. Not in a narcissistic way. It may sound strange, but it can be something ceremonious. Being able to live my own truth, and each moment fully.

I grew up in an environment where I witnessed conflict and violence. I learned to behave, so that I wouldn't be beaten. This set the tone for my life: living with a mask. I learned how to act. No one could really know what went on in my home. I costumed myself with a "pretty" mask. I dressed well, and looked happy in order to protect my family's image. Especially my parents image. Inside, I knew something was wrong. But all that outer and inner conflict brought me closer to God. God would protect me, and my mask was unnecessary in His refuge.

I wore a mask for many years. Everything is fine. No one will ever know. And I created my life, even choosing a husband who also wore a mask. And as I knew so well how, I lived for 20 years inside a tumultuous marriage, full of conflict, and no one ever knew. "No one" are those people that we live for. The ones we want to impress with our gifts, our things, and our masks.

One day I fell in love with a masked man. But I fell in love with the one who was hiding behind the mask. And without us knowing it, we helped each other to unmask ourselves. I still have many masks, but they have become unnecessary to wear. The Mothers mask, the Wife mask, the Daughter mask, among others, and even the Victim mask. I don't need them anymore, because I have found my authentic self through my practice of yoga. I found the authentic essence of my own being. And now, I don't live to please others. If "they" like me or not, I am still the same person. The mother, the daughter, the girlfriend, and the friend, are no different. They are one and the same. I am real, I am me. And as an authentic being, I make decisions based on me. I no longer make decisions based on others needs, wants, or thoughts. That was exhausting! I live my truth for me. I now want to accomplish the duties that God has set out for me. I have faith that those who support my decisions, will remain on my path. And those who don't, I hope will find their own truth along their path.

And so, here I am, living my decision to give India a hug. The one who understands being real in facing each stage of living. Even during financial, emotional, or physical suffering, we must shine in our own splendor, without allowing the authentic being to disappear. Having faith, that each of us is fulfilling our mission in this lifetime. And when we are able to find mental clarity within ourselves, we will no longer fool ourselves (or others) with masks. We can live in peace with who we are, authentically.

Thank you, India, for being so real in your material world, that you have helped me to understand the meaning of Prakrti and Purusa. That which I can see, touch, smell and understand, and that which is beyond my understanding. After being here for seven weeks, you have been a mirror for me in so many ways.

You have shown me that in the pile of garbage, lies the sustenance for not only goats and pigs, but for humans. Just like in my polluted mind, I can scavenge for nourishment, even within the filth.

The never ending construction, signals to me that I am also like that. A work in progress, which is an ongoing project.

You have mirrored the patience and love of a mother goat, feeding herself leaves from a tree, while her kid suckles frenetically. You have reminded me to slow down and nourish myself, even as I nourish others.

The monkeys which guard the entrance of the Ellora caves have balanced the strength of their vigilance with the loving nature towards their babies. They can viciously leap everywhere, and still hold their offspring with ferocious love.

I have felt hunger, after not eating for three days, afraid of being sick again. I learned to have faith, and to continue experimenting. My positive attitude saw it as a natural detox, and your Ayurvedic secrets worked.

On every corner, the representation of God in temples, and shrines, helped me to never feel alone. Your faithful people revealed a deep seeded and profound understanding of the most absolute truth. The prayers spilling out of mosques, temples, and makeshift shrines, brought a smile to my face each and every time. The language in which we pray became obsolete. The burning truth of our omniscient creator can be felt everywhere. From the child sleeping in the street, to the curious pig who stared at me. God is everywhere. And it seems God has never left India. Disguised as suffering, hidden in pain. His smile blooms in the fragrant flowers everywhere, many as garlands in temples and shrines. He sings to us through the birds. He embraces us with the wind, as Mother Earth holds us up.