Who’s in Charge?

Who’s in charge?

Written May 30, 2020

I remember when 9/11 happened and President Bush addressed the nation. I watched and listened, and his words gave me some kind of comfort. 

As a middle schooler, I feared what would happen if we lost our leader when President Reagan was shot. When the Vice President addressed the nation, my fears were quelled.

I remember President Obama addressing the nation after 9 church goers were killed in South Carolina. His presence, his emotions, and his words, gave me some kind of comfort.

These memories are not in order, and I am sure there are many more. These are just moments in time when our leader stood and gave us some kind of comfort after tragedy struck. Their words helped to make sense of the senseless acts. They have us hope in the light of hopelessness.

As a mother of three daughters, I have been the leader of the family for almost 29 years. In our lifetime, there have been school shootings, hurricanes, and many other tragedies that involved the death of fellow humans. As a mother, I have been the leader to help explain the pains and worries of life. I have carefully plucked the right words to explain painful injustices in this world. My tender children have witnessed more intense tragedies than I, in my Internet-less childhood. I was always honest and explained to them difficult situations in the world, that the internet didn’t shelter from them. I also helped them to see that there was hope, and helped them to understand that they had to also be responsible for the consequences of their own acts. I guess that’s what a leader does. 

When I first heard about the Coronavirus in late December, I started to watch it, and followed the slow migration on the WHO and CDC sites. In the beginning of March, I looked at local authorities for protocols in planning if and when to suspend classes at my yoga studio. I found none. I gathered my team, and spoke to them about what was coming. One of my contractors told me, “I teach at many studios, and you are the first one to mention this.” I guess that’s what a leader does. 

As the news of the insensible death of George Floyd, spreads across the Internet, the hopelessness can be felt in every post on Facebook, every meme and video in Instagram. Protests, demonstrations, and riots, lead to looting, fires, anger, desperation and more suffering. 

So I have one question: Who’s in charge? If we are all an American family, who can we look to, to calm our fears? How many protests and looting could have been prevented by a leader showing up and helping us to calm our fears? Someone to give us direction in what to do with all the emotions inside us? The anger, the grief, the frustration, the helplessness?

Who is going to help us deal with our trauma? Can you even imagine the trauma of an innocent 17 year old girl, who had the courage to document evil as it was taking place? Darnella Frazier, who recorded the lynching of a black man by a white police officer and his accomplices, could have run away. She could have looked away as many have before. But frozen in fear, and helpless, she kept filming. She stayed in charge of that camera. She embodies the strength of a leader, who knows the difference between right and wrong.

Who’s in charge, when after all these people came out in the middle of a pandemic, to show their pain and disgust at yet another bully taking someone’s life? I don’t even want to ask who will be in charge when those cities mushroom more covid cases.

A leader is like a mother, who gathers her children and quells their fears. A leader positions themselves at the top of a hill not for superiority, but to be able to see above and beyond in order to protect its flock. A leader can acknowledge the truth, and admit when he’s wrong, and change the course of action for its beneficiaries. 

A leader stands up for injustices and finds a way to unite its team.

A leader who understands his own strengths and weaknesses can designate someone else to address those who need comforting if he knows he can’t, or he is humble enough to know when someone can do it better. Knowing he’s in charge, he can strategize, and gather helpers with different qualities and put them in charge where they will shine, and do what they do best for the greater good.

I feel like a child, all alone. Looking for someone to pick up the broken pieces of this mother’s heart. Like a child who has been abandoned, in a cold cage. Knowing I have been comforted in the past during senseless tragedies by words, or presence, or hope. I am looking up and wanting to know, who’s in charge?